the difficult parts of being a parent

I am finding that trying to explain death to a 4 year old is really difficult.

A little while ago, I was making a sandwich for Conner and he brought up Steve. He asked "Remember when Papa died?" I of course said yes, I will always remember it. He then asked if he would ever see him again, and I said no, he would not. He then looked away and said he had fun with him, and I told him he should always remember him. If he has a memory like mine, he will.

What could I really tell him? I have told him that when people die, they do not come back. I don't try to sugarcoat it by telling him that we all go somewhere nice when we die. Well, ok I did once, about a week after it happened. I told him Steve went to Heaven. Conner then asked if we could go see him, and I said no, we couldn't. He asked why, and I changed the subject. I shouldn't tell him about something that I do not know if I believe myself.

Sooner of later, he is going to figure it all out. I just hope he is older than I was when it happens, and that his reaction is a lot better.