not all change is good

I was hoping the next time I wrote in here, it would be about my reactions to the election. I really wish it was.

Steve died on Friday night.

We got the call after 10pm. We rushed to the hospital and found my mom and aunt. We weren't there long. I drove my mom home. My aunt picked up her husband Mark, and my sister and her boyfriend Eric were there waiting. No one really spoke. What could we say?

I saw him last Saturday. He had just come home from the hospital the night before, and he wanted to see us. He spent most of the time playing with Conner. He adored Conner, and Conner loved him like a grandfather. For Conner, when Steve was around, it was playtime. He is confused now. He knows Steve died, but he doesn't understand what that really means. Some of his questions have been painful.

My mom met Steve in 1998. I remember the first time I met him. I was sitting in the living room playing Final Fantasy 7, and heading towards the end fight. He walked in and said hello, and asked me if the game I was playing was FF7. I said yes, but didn't say much. My mom and I were fighting at the time, and I just figured he was another new boyfriend. A few weeks later they were engaged. I objected at the time because I felt my mom was rushing into things, especially with how her last few relationships had gone. I was glad I was proven wrong.

He became a part of the family over time. Any distance he may have still had ended when Conner was born. I still referred to him as Steve, or as my "moms husband". I was already an adult when I met him and never thought of him as a stepdad.

This is not fair. My mom only had 11 years with him. I was able to stop worrying about my moms future with him around. With her arthritis problems, I knew no matter what Steve would be there to take care of her and keep her going. There was never any doubt on how he felt about her. They were perfect for one another. How is my mom going to handle life now?

We just found out he was sick. He hardly had any time to fight. And a fight is what he was going to give it. He didn't give up. His body may have, but I know he didn't.

My stepdad has died, and I have no idea what to do about it.